Serendipity

I have been trying to keep myself busy while I’ve been here for a few reasons. Many of which have to do with healing my broken heart, but for the most part I just like going out and meeting new people and having fun. I am a bit reserved sometimes and it takes me awhile to relax, but once I’m comfortable I love being around lots of people.

So a few weeks ago I volunteered for a Gay Pride event (when in San Francisco…) that took place last night. I got all dolled up to arrive early and enjoy the party before my shift started at 10 PM. Yes, I had the coveted (not!) load-out time slot. I don’t have a car here so took the bus in my heels and fancy dress. I clean up well, so was getting a few admiring glances from people who made my tender heart feel nice. The bus I should have taken was going to be a 15-minute wait, so I opted to take the next bus that arrived, even though it would drop me a few blocks farther than my high-heeled ankles would have preferred walking.

As I queued to board the bus, an attractive, bearded young guy (I do like my facial hair) allowed me to get on before him, even though he was carrying two heavy grocery bags. I was happy when he took the vacant seat next to me and was hoping he would be the first to speak. Not being shy and feeling confident, and also genuinely needing help, I asked him what stop was my best bet in getting to the venue I needed to reach. He didn’t know, as he had just moved up here from L.A., but this lit the fire and started our conversation. We talked for the next 5-10 minutes and I felt myself hoping he wouldn’t ask for my number. Not because I didn’t want him to, but because that didn’t feel organic. This was just two people enjoying each other’s company and flirting. I don’t have to tell you how much it made my night.

It made me realize that even though I still have a lot of healing to do (it annoys me how much Jude was a part of my life and how just about everything reminds me of him), there are other men out there that find me attractive. I let Jude make me feel bad about myself and hate my flaws and idiosyncrasies, but I am seeing every day how much that makes me who I am and I am not going to change myself for anyone.

I love coincidences and can’t wait until the next one!